It's beginning to sound a lot like Christmas.

ASSISTANT ONE: By WHOM? By the little elf who carries the man bag???
ASSISTANT TWO: Yes.
ASSISTANT ONE: Oh. I. Have. Had. ENOUGH.

Assistant One then proceeds to storm off.

No one needs that

Female employee: Are you writing a letter?
Male employee: Yup. To my cousin. Just seeing what's up. When's coming home.
Female employee: What? Is he locked up?
Male: Yup. That's why I'm here. I need a sharpie to black out the return address on this envelope. I don't need that.

Important Legal Mumbo Jumbo

Lawyer on the Phone: Listen - i have to say this - but this can't be all sappy. It can't be like, "oh great - we all learned to run with artificial limbs!" I mean there HAS to be more to it than that. Where's the hook? Where's the story? We pay for the STORY..............what? Oh please - pepperoni trumps cheese EVERY time!

And goodwill toward men

Older exec: Peace out!
Younger asst: Are you leaving?
Older exec: Oh, no. Is that what that means? I'm not going anywhere. Just wanted to get the peace out.

Inaugural Post

Woohoo! Inaugural post!

A cell phone conversation overheard...

WOMAN: (exasperated sigh) She's gonna get AIDS! Do you know how easy it is to get AIDS? That girl is NASTY!!